Sharon and Alison’s Story

A daughter, a loving mother - a seemingly “healthy” family who were moving through day-to-day life at school and work, like most of us. But what we see on the surface is not always the reality. Instead this was a mom struggling with addiction and a daughter emotionally detaching. Sharon didn’t intend to or envision herself or her life as one with “addiction” in it - that happened to other people. But not anymore. Now it was her reality.

Sharon doesn't recall at what point she went from a “casual drinker” to someone with an alcohol addiction. Things in her life had changed over the past several years.  She was a single mom and her “little girl” was growing into a teenager and building her own life with her friends, sports, and growing closer with her maternal Grandmother all while she was “losing” her mom to alcohol.

There was so much baggage in Sharon’s past, trauma in her childhood that had never been addressed, and she was now burying her pain in alcohol and inadvertently pushing her daughter further away. Alison was now living with her Grandmother and they were both in dismay at Sharon’s drinking and both of them constantly asking, “why don’t you stop,” “don’t you care about anyone else?” Broken, Sharon didn’t know the answer to those questions or how to stop. And she felt like she deserved their words - she felt ashamed and defeated.  But all she really wanted was to be healthy, free of her own pain, and have her daughter back in her life.  

There is no greater pleasure as a therapist, than to facilitate a moment that changes everything between people struggling. This moment happened about a month into our therapy sessions. We were talking in the grandmother’s living room when I asked Alison to talk about her feelings instead of her talking at her mom with blame and anger. As she talked about her feelings, she fell to the floor crying, sharing how she felt so angry and confused over the years.

It was then that Sharon felt she could do the same - she talked about her own pain, her childhood trauma and then, in that moment - Alison and her Grandmother “got it.” Fearful in the past to share her feelings, to not make things worse for her mom, Alison was instead part of the problem of blame and judgment and not understanding addiction. Everyone had the right intentions, but they had been fighting the wrong battle. When we shifted the focus away from blame and anger by Alison and her Grandmother, and helped Sharon begin to let go of her guilt and shame, it all changed.  

Addiction, trauma, and recovery. Getting sober is only one step, and Sharon was doing everything she could to feel safe and stable, while her daughter was reeling from years of feeling dismissed, confused and angry. It’s been almost a year since we worked with this family and they are now back together and looking forward. Alison is back home with her mom and stepdad, creating new loving memories together. Sharon and Alison both continued with individual therapy sessions to keep communication positive and to continue to heal. This story ended with a young girl, who learned to talk about her feelings sometimes, and a mom who learned to forgive herself, most times, and a relationship that was rebuilt with some grace and understanding

This is one of thousands of examples of families that we help, every day at Savio. Feel a connection to this story? Or would you just like to help us continue our work? Click the donate button below.  Thank you for reading my story. I love my job and feel blessed to be able to carry their story in my memories and my heart.

Pema White, LPC, CAC III

Family Functional Therapist, Lead Therapist