Part II: Jake and His Sisters' Next Steps
Click here to read Part I.
Last week we introduced Jake, Anna, and Alice, three children who experienced unbelievable trauma in their little lives.
As his little sisters’ protector, Jake needed allies to support him and his siblings while they healed from so many painful experiences. They had been placed with new foster parents, Michael and Sam Turner, who agreed to do whatever it took to help, including completely buying into the therapy plan developed by the children’s Trauma Systems Therapy therapist, Nicholas McReynolds.
The Turners knew that they were in for a big challenge. Not only did they need to help the children address their past trauma, but they also needed to help reassure them that they would protect them from further trauma and abandonment.
The children had thought that their previous foster home would be their forever home. And when that wasn’t the case, they were retraumatized. Although the Turners intended to adopt Jake, Anna, and Alice, they did not want to get their hopes up at the risk of causing them more trauma. As the Turners began the complicated legal process, they opted not to tell the children about their intention. Instead, they focused on sticking to the children’s therapy plan and telling them they were safe.
Jake was wary of the Turners and McReynolds, especially when they tried to reassure him that they were there for him. Abandonment had become his new normal, and he was just waiting for it to happen again. When his foster parents would tell him that he and his sisters were safe with them he said, “My last family said that too, and now they are gone.”
McReynolds worked to build trust with Jake, which involved lots of time on the swings, games, and puzzles. While building a puzzle one day, McReynolds put a piece in the wrong spot.
“Oops, that was a mistake,” McReynolds said, while he tried out a few more spots that might work.
“What do you mean, adults make mistakes too?”
Jake just stared at McReynolds. He had never heard an adult say that.
This breakthrough -- that adults make mistakes too-- allowed McReynolds and Jake to talk about how his former foster parents and biological parents had made many mistakes. And that those mistakes weren’t Jake or his sisters’ fault. He learned that sometimes adults just do the wrong things.
Jake, Anna, and Alice were three of the 35 children who received services in the past year thanks to a Caring for Denver Foundation grant.
The Caring for Denver Foundation was created in 2019 from a ballot initiative to address Denver’s substance misuse and mental health needs. Thank you to the Denver residents who supported this important work.
Jake began to talk about the trauma he and his sisters experienced, both during their time with their biological parents and when they were removed from their former foster home. He began bonding with his foster parents more and more, though he remained worried that these parents would leave too.
Now that Jake understood that adults make mistakes too, he could apply that logic to his new foster parents. He saw how they did their best to support him and his sisters but also made a few mistakes along the way.
For example, Michael Turner has a naturally loud voice and can be very animated in all his responses-- positive and negative. This trait scared Anna, reminding her of the yelling and fighting that would happen when she was with her biological parents. Michael worked towards calming his voice and taking space if he was about to have an emotional reaction. When he did have a big reaction, he reassured Anna that he cared, even if he sometimes responded too loudly.
Because Jake understood that adults don’t do everything perfectly, he stopped causing a commotion any time his sisters were about to get in trouble in order to protect them.
Now, the Turners frequently remind the children that they are there for them. McReynolds is reassuring the children that it is okay if they do not view the Turners as their “Dads” just yet-- they are just the adults taking care of them, making sure they are safe.
Jake finally has someone in his corner to take care of his sister. He is beginning to trust that he does not have to be the biggest person in his sisters’ lives anymore. He is gaining confidence that his foster dads are taking good care of all three of them. He thinks they might all finally be safe this time.
Join us next week, for an update on how the adoption hearing goes and how Jake, Anna, and Alice feel about the news.