Proud to Be Family

How one non-binary teen and their mom Healed in Multisystemic Therapy

On a Tuesday night, Riley slammed the front door without saying so much as a “goodbye” to their mom and little sister. This was a typical Tuesday…and Wednesday, and Thursday, and Friday, and so on. Riley was a non-binary 13-year-old whose rebellious behavior only got more intense since their dad abandoned the family a few years prior. What started out as refusing to do household chores and getting into yelling matches over cell phone privileges, evolved into leaving without permission or lying about where they were going. Just one week prior to this latest discord, Riley had been reported as a runaway after their mom returned from work with her teen nowhere to be found. The frantic searches for Riley exhausted the family.

Riley was referred to Savio’s Multisystemic Therapy program (MST), a family- and community-based mental health treatment option for addressing unwanted behaviors. MST believes that a young person’s whole ecology must be integrated during therapy to ensure changes can be sustainable. The individuality of teens like Riley is looked at within the context of their family, peers, school structures, and community at-large. This program could not have been a better fit for Riley, who had felt constraints on their identity throughout life due to society’s rigid understanding of gender, as well as their mother’s lack of knowledge on what it meant to be non-binary. Their mom began to see that the roots of Riley’s disobedience ran deeper than realized; Riley wanted to break free from any boxes that made them feel small or controlled.

Through therapeutic approaches, Riley was able to explore their conflicting feelings of having love and respect for their family, but also wanting to feel unconstrained. MST also helped Riley find healthy resources and outlets outside of home where they could express themselves freely. A gifted drawer, Riley attended an art conference that connected them to mentors who could teach them how to expand on their talents and let out frustrations in a healthy, creative way. Riley also joined an LGBTQIA2S+ community center where they could talk to others with similar life experiences who understood their challenges. Eventually, conversations started becoming more open with Mom as well. In one session Riley was able to talk to their mom about the desire to feel comfortable in their body. Mom was able to share her difficulty in processing Riley’s assigned gender at birth with the present of who they were as a 13-year-old. Slowly, but surely, the parent-child relationship started healing when they learned each other’s point of view.

It’s often said that rules without relationships lead to rebellion. Riley’s bond with their mother had grown immensely stronger by discharge. When the therapeutic team checked back in with the family, they learned Riley was doing chores, rarely had aggressive outbursts, and had discussions with their mom on when they needed space in leaving the house and established where they were going. We are so proud that the treatment models we offer can help teens like Riley, who are members of the LGBTQIA2S+ community, create lasting behavioral changes and proudly be who they are with the people they love.

Words of gratitude for Emma, one of Savio’s MST therapists